A lot has been happening lately. I knew it was all coming, but it always seemed so far away. Now half of it has passed and here I am stuck in the middle of this crazy messed up thing and I’m so stressed out and I’m tired and I just want to curl up in a ball and forget hte world… at least for the next couple weeks.

Last week (August 12) we moved from Taber to Medicine Hat. I’m still working in Lethbridge though. So right now I’m driving just over an hour and a half to get to work. Good thing is that’s almost over. I have two shifts left. Since we have a huge reset in the beading area of the store to do next week, a bunch of us (mostly the replenishment crew, and a few others) are doing some over night shifts. Since I had planned for my last day to be Tuesday, August 25th, I’m doing Sunday night and Monday night. Then I’m finished. So if you are following me on Twitter or are a friend on Facebook, you likely noticed that yesterday was my last day shift. My last day dealing with customers!! lol… until I get to Ontario. I’m getting transferred to a store in Oshawa for when I’m at school. That way I will have a little bit of income while I’m there. And I didn’t have to actually quit my job.

Also, some of you may have been aware that my friend Amanda was pregnant. We hadn’t really hung out much lately. I’ve been busy with work and the move and stuff and she’s been busy getting ready for the baby and hanging out with other people. I don’t want to sound bitter about this but, maybe I am a tiny bit. When I got home from PRBI, Amanda and I hung out practically everyday, more often after she told me she was pregnant (she was scared to tell me because of how someone else reacted, but that’s another story). Then when Cara came back from school we sort of stopped hanging out as much. I’m not entirely sure what happened and I’m sure its partly my fault. I thought we had gotten really close but then it just faded away. I mean I could have put in more of an effort but I felt like half the time we hung out, she just didn’t really want to be there. Like there was something wrong with me. I’m know there are things wrong with me, but it didn’t feel like she felt that way before that. I found myself just getting rather annoyed after a while and didn’t put in much effor anymore. And for that, I apologize. (I doubt that Amanda will read this, mostly because I know she won’t have much time now.)

Anyways, back to what I was originally going to say about Amanda… I was talking to her on the phone (the conversation started through text message) on Monday the 17th evening, when I got off work, around just after 5:30. She was 2cm dialated at the time so we knew the baby was coming soon. Her due date was September 1st, by the way, but obviously he was going to be early. I found out the Tuesday morning, around 11:30am, when I was going for lunch, via text message that Hunter William was born on Monday, August 17, 2009 at 11:08pm in Taber. We talked some more via text message throughout the day while I was on breaks and when I got off work. He had to be taken to the hospital in Lethbridge later on. All she told me was that there was something wrong with his breathing and his heart. I asked her again how he was doing earlier today and she said he was still in the hospital and they’re still waiting for test results. So at this point I don’t really know much. I don’t even know how much Amanda knows. I haven’t seen the baby yet either since they’re still in the hospital. She’s been staying with him in Lethbridge. I really hope she gets to take him home soon. I also hope I get to see him before I leave for school.

Its now officially less than a week until I leave for school. We’re driving out and my parents are flying back, so I get the car while I’m at school. We’re leaving after my parents get home from work on Wednesday, August 26th. My move in date for residence, I  believe we chose for the 2nd. I don’t remember for sure, but I think that’s what it is. School starts on the 8th.

On another random note… in addition to all the stuff that’s happening lately, I’ve had a lot of stuff on my mind lately. More specifically people. I don’t know why. This started a while ago but it got weirder a few days ago. I was unpacking some stuff in my new room and I found my old journals/diaries. I don’t write in them very often. I think the last time was about 2 years ago. I was looking at an old entry. It was one of those stupid email forward quizes (now mostly used on Facebook) that, for some reason, I had written in my journal. It was a personality quiz thing. One of the questions asked you to write a person’s name next to some different colours. Then you get the results at the end. For one of these colours I picked a certain person and the result for it made me think about that person again. Like I said, I had been thinking about this person quite a bit before I read this, but this made me think about them more. I realized that I miss them a lot. It didn’t help that people have been asking me a lot about this person lately too. Its weird. Its closing in on a year since I’ve talked to this person. The last time was around October, 2008. I get random wall posts or status or photo comments from them, but other than that we’ve had no communication since October-ish. (I don’t remember the exact day). I kept texting the person but they stopped replying.

Who am I kidding, its kind of obvious its a guy I’m talking about so I’ll stop saying they and them. For some of you this may be more obvious as to who it is but if you don’t know, that’s fine. Lets keep it that way.

Anyways, we haven’t talked in a long time and I kind of want to talk to him again but I don’t know what to say. I think things were a little awkward last time. I’m pretty sure that’s the problem, but I don’t know how to get past that. We live too far away from each other to go out for coffee or whatever just randomly. And now I’m going even farther away for school. I think the fact that we were closer to each other for a little while last year kind of freaked him out a little bit. Then I didn’t really tell him I wasn’t coming back after Christmas, until after, because he randomly sent me a message or text or something (I forget what form it was in) and some how it came up that I wasn’t back up north, that I had stayed home. I don’t think we’ve talked since that. So, I guess if you include that conversation (which wasn’t long btw) we have talked since October, but that was in like January or something.

I’m not exctly sure why I’ve been thinking so much about this guy lately though. I don’t really know if I still have feelings for him because I haven’t seen him since October and rarely ever talk to him, but for some reason I keep thinking about him. I went for quite a while without thinking about him though. Its just been the last month or two. And, as I mentioned, people keep asking about me and him. At my cousin’s wedding on the 8th, most of my mom’s family was there and  one of my uncle’s likes to bug me about boys whenever we see each other. He asked if I had a boyfriend and somewhere in the word “no” he decided that I had 2. So the rest of the day I was being bugged about having two boyfriends. Then other people, who knew a little bit about me and this guy, were asking about him and stuff. I got stuck in a whole conversation about him and how we hadn’t talked in a long time and stuff.

That got me thinking though. I miss the conversations we used to have online after I moved to Taber. And even the ones we had when we were still in high school together. He was so much fun to talk to. Before the complication of having feelings for each other as more than friends. Before that, we were really good friends. My favourite conversation was one we had until about 3:30 in the morning. We were talking about arm hairs and toe hairs. Sounds stupid, I know, but I swear to you it is, to this day, the most hilarious conversation I have ever had with anyone. One of the few online conversations I’ve had where I have actually laughed out loud. I had to try and be quiet to because it was after 3am and my parents were in bed. It was really hard lol. I miss those days.

(Oh, I forgot, we have actually had a few short converstations (that died rather quickly) online since then, mostly talking about school and other random stuff. But nothing really important.)

I’ve been debating for the last couple days whether or not I should send him an email to see how he’s doing. I don’t really know what to say to him. I’m not always the best with words. Ok, I’m usually not. It would be nice to have a conversation like we used to, but its been so long that I don’t know if we can. I don’t know, I guess we’ll see if I can work up the courage to do it. I don’t think he reads this (I don’t think many people do), but if he is reading this, I hope maybe he’ll email me first. I think it would be nice to know how how feels.

I don’t know.

I should really stop rambling now though. This has gotten quite long and I hadn’t intended for it to be long.

My stomach is growling. I’m going to go make something to eat. I guess that’s all for now. I know I don’t post very often anymore but I’ll try to post when I get to school to let you all know how things are going.