I’ve had this song (I Can Trust You by Rebecca St. James) stuck in my head for the past 24 hours. I haven’t been able to get rid of it, nor have I tried.

On Sunday I went to church at the Miracle Channel with my parents and this song was playing in my van after, when I was driving to Tim Horton’s. It hit me so suddenly I couldn’t believe it. I now understand the real meaning behind this song. It’s so amazing!

This past week some stuff has happened to me that I know most of my “close” friends won’t understand. And I’m not quite ready to talk about it on here though. But it’s something that has changed my entire outlook on life. It changed within about 15 minutes. Don’t worry, it wasn’t anything bad. In fact, it’s something amazing!

I don’t know who is all going to be reading this but I know there are a few people who will understand without me even telling them. They won’t know all the details but they will understand most of it. I haven’t told or discussed with many people what happened because I know that a lot of the people I know won’t understand or won’t experience what I experienced, and that’s fine, but because I’m still working through some of it, I’m not ready to discuss it on my blog.

Anyways, these are the lyrics to the song I’ve had in my head all day today and yesterday.

I Can Trust You

Yes, I know that You have paved a path for me
Yes, I know that You see what I do and don’t need
But when it comes to the deepest things
I have a hard time relinquishing control
Letting go

God, it hurts to give You what I must lay down
But when I let go, freedom’s found
God, it hurts to give You what I’ve held so dear
Because of Your love it’s clear
I can trust You with this
I can trust You with me
I can trust You

Lord, I know that You are worthy of my trust
For You have shown me time and time again
You’re faithful and yet
I’m so scared of letting go of this
Afraid of what You might do with it
How could I forget who You are like this

God, it hurts to give You what I must lay down
But when I let go, freedom’s found
God, it hurts to give You what I’ve held so dear
Because of Your love it’s clear
I can trust You with this
I can trust You with me
I can trust You
I can trust You

Me forsaking
Heart is breaking
I let go of what I’ve held so tight
Freedom’s mine now
For the taking
I move in faith, not by sight
Let Your will be done

God, it hurts to give You what I must lay down
But when I let go, freedom’s found
God, it hurts to give You what I’ve held so dear
Because of Your love it’s clear
I can trust You with this
I can trust You with me
I can trust You with this
I can trust You with me
I can trust You
I can trust You
I can trust You

Performed by Rebecca St. James
Written by Rebecca St. James and Shaun Shankel

There is another song that also has a lot of meaning to me right now as well. It hasn’t had quite the same impact on my as the other one, but it means a lot too. Again, not everyone will entirely understand it but I know some will. Here’s the lyrics to that song.

All Around Me

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning I’m not used to seeing you

I’m alive, I’m alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling
Savoring this heart that’s healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

I’m alive, I’m alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling
Savoring this heart that’s healing

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you

I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling
Savoring this heart that’s healing

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling
Savoring this heart that’s healed

Performed by Flyleaf
Written by Flyleaf

I love this song and all of Flyleaf’s music. I’ve been listening to them for about a year now I think. But when I’m listening to their music now it has new meaning to me than it did when I first started listening to their music.

Something odd about this song is that I noticed it in a commercial for some movie, I forget what it was called or about, but I don’t know why it was there. The vibe I got from the movie didn’t really seem to fit with the song. But then, I guess it has different meaning for different people. But I also have only seen the ad twice so but haven’t seen the full trailer yet so maybe it ties in with the movie better. I’ll have to find out. I’ll make note of the title, the next time I see it, and look for some info about it.

Night Drive
The All American Rejects

I know you
so better than the city in the rear view
I drive to
eliminate the ball that I’m chained to

Take me break me
every mile further there’s a part of me that slips away
One day you’ll see
Even if you got down on your knees you couldn’t make me stay

Drive all night
Never gonna get me
Night by night
To get away from it all
Fight fight fight
All you wanna do is hurt me
You wrecked my life
So I’m gonna have to drive all night

I’ll stay strong
I’m pushing on the pedal till I break dawn
So I’m gone, go find another shoulder you can cry on

Take me break me
every mile further there’s a part of me that slips away
One day you’ll see
Even if you got down on your knees you couldn’t make me stay

Drive all night
Never gonna get me
Night by night
To get away from it all
Fight fight fight
All you wanna do is hurt me
You wrecked my life
So I’m gonna have to drive all night
You wrecked my life
So I’m gonna have to drive all night
You wrecked my life
So I’m gonna have to drive all night

All of the things that you knew that I’d try
All of the things that I held inside
All I gotta do is drive

Drive all night
Never gonna get me
Night by night
To get away from it all
Fight fight fight
All you wanna do is hurt me
You wrecked my life
So I’m gonna have to drive all night
You wrecked my life
So I’m gonna have to drive all night
You wrecked my life
So I’m gonna have to drive all night
You wrecked my life
So I’m gonna have to drive all night
you wrecked my life
so I’m gonna have to drive all night

Performed and Written by The All American Rejects

Babydoll Gone Wrong
Performed by Skye Sweetnam

I am a new breed of doll
Psycho baby doll gone wrong
Tool belt with a lollipop
Curling iron klashnikof

I am a new breed of doll
Fighting for a brave new world
Gas mask and a magic wand
Bulldozer and tutu on

Load up, load up
March to the future
Lipstick, might kill ya or kiss ya
Babydoll gone wrong

She cries real tears!
In her bed at night
Press the button right
She will glow so bright

She bleeds real blood!
Cut her with a knife
She’ll fight for her life
But it’s you who dies

Surprise, surprise
Catch me can you steal a thief
Call my name can’t you see?
This babydoll’s not giving up!

I am a new breed of doll
Crash helmet and halo on
Jackhammer and my apron
Throw my head back, sing a song

I am a new breed of doll
Maize you with my aerosol
Tinkerbell and S&M
Bumper car that has a brain

Load up, load up
March to the future
Lipstick, I might kill ya or kiss ya
Babydoll gone wrong

She cries real tears!
In her bed at night
Press the button right
She will glow so bright

She bleeds real blood!
Cut her with a knife
She’ll fight for her life
But it’s you who dies

Surprise, surprise!
In her bed at night
Press the button right
She will glow so bright

She bleeds real blood!
Cut her with a knife
She’ll fight for her life
But it’s you who dies

Surprise, surprise

Babydoll, I’ll kick the boys and make them fall
Babydoll, I’ll kick the boys and make them fall

Sugar and a razor blade!
Acid pink lemonade!
That’s how babydolls are made
We misbehave, we misbehave!

Load up, load up
March to the future
Lipstick, I might kill ya or kiss ya
Babydoll gone wrong

She cries real tears!
In her bed at night
Press the button right
She will glow so bright

She bleeds real blood!
Cut her with a knife
She’ll fight for her life
But it’s you who dies

Surprise, surprise
In her bed at night
Press the button right
She will glow so bright

She cries real tears!
Cut her with a knife
She’ll fight for her life
But it’s you who dies

Surprise, surprise!

Written by Skye Sweetnam, Lauren Christy, Scott Spock, Graham Edwards

“Runaway”

Graffiti decorations
Under a sky of dust
A constant wave of tension
On top of broken trust
The lessons that you taught me
I learn were never true
Now I find myself in question
(They point the finger at me again)
Guilty by association
(You point the finger at me again)

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

Paper bags and angry voices
Under a sky of dust
Another wave of tension
Has more than filled me up
All my talk of taking action
These words were never true
Now I find myself in question
(They point the finger at me again)
Guilty by association
(You point the finger at me again)

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

I’m gonna run away and never say goodbye
(Gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away)
I’m gonna run away and never wonder why
(Gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away)
I’m gonna run away and open up my mind
(Gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away)

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

I wanna run away
And open up my mind
I wanna run away
And open up my mind
I wanna run away
And open up my mind
I wanna run away
And open up my mind

By Linkin Park
Album: Hybrid Theory

So-So Suicide
by Finger Eleven

I felt the blisters
Below the words
A universe waiting to explode

And I felt the words crawl out of my skull
And now you know
Exactly what you should

Don’t bother pretending I seem fine
I like that I’m a mess
I can’t stand it much longer in my head
I think it’s time for bullets

Became so-so suicidal
And now I know the ugly from the good

Don’t bother pretending I seem fine
I like that I’m a mess
I can’t stand it much longer in my head
I think it’s time for bullets

Don’t bother pretending I seem fine
I’m trying to confess
I can’t stand it much longer in my head
But it’s not time for bullets

Don’t bother pretending I seem fine
I like that I’m a mess
I can’t stand it much longer in my head
I think it’s time for bullets

Don’t bother pretending I seem fine
I’m trying to confess
I can’t stand it much longer in my head
But it’s not time for bullets

—–

I know this is one of their new songs but I recently discovered their old music, because they were on Much Music and I saw them play Good Times, from their self-titled CD from 2003, and I was hooked. So, I went and downloaded all their old albums from iTunes that day. The only CD by them that I had was the new one, Them vs. You vs. Me. I like it but I just never got into it. I really like Paralyzer, and that was the only reason I bought the CD. I like a few other songs on it but I got tired of them pretty fast. I haven’t gotten sick of their old stuff at all yet. I’ve listened to all of them about an average of 10 times (according to iTunes lol) since I downloaded them. Since I have all of Finger Eleven’s music open in iTunes when I’m listening to it, I’ve been listening to their new stuff too. I’m starting to like some of the songs a bit better because of that but I still like the old stuff better.

It’s kind of the same as with Linkin Park. I like their old stuff better than their new stuff. I’m still not sick of their old stuff either, but I got bored with most of the songs on their new CD, Minutes to Midnight. And lately, I’ve been listening a lot to old Linkin Park music, up until I got the old Finger Eleven stuff obviously.

No Transitory

I’m in a constant state of getting cut
So why don’t I feel anything
This is a violation
Maybe I forgot what it was like before it entered me
So this is what they call another endless night
So tired of believing if this is wrong or right
I think this cause is lost, I wish that I could sleep
I feel like some kind of shadow, another slave to the week
Imagine if we lived, under the weather
We would never be found, never discovered
If everything goes wrong if it’s one more endless night
You know there’s always tomorrow and tomorrow…
This knife this knife
It is my most important appendage
So now that your whole world has gone up into flames
This night is still never ending do you think your still safe
Seems everything went wrong we were discovered
But this time there’s no tomorrow and tomorrow…

by Alexisonfire
written by Alexisonfire

Album: Watch Out

Haunted

Louder, louder
The voices in my head
Whispers taunting
All the things you said

Faster the days go by and I’m still
Stuck in this moment of want you here

Time
In the blink of an eye
You held my hand, you held me tight
Now you’re gone
And I’m still crying
Shocked, broken
I’m dying inside

Where are you?
I need you
Don’t leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can’t survive unless I know you’re with me

Shadows linger
Only to my eye
I see you, I feel you
Don’t leave me side

It’s not fair
Just when I found my world
They took you, they broke you, they tore out your heart
I miss you, you hurt me
You left with a smile

Mistaken, your sadness
Was hiding inside
Now all that’s left
Are the pieces to find

The mystery you kept
The soul behind a guise

Where are you?
I need you
Don’t leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can’t survive unless I know you’re with me

Why did you go?
All these questions run through my mind
I wish I couldn’t feel at all
Let me be numb
I’m starting to fall

Where are you?
I need you
Don’t leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can’s survive unless I know you’re with me

Where are you?
Where are you?
You were smiling

by Kelly Clarkson
written by Kelly Clarkson, Jason Halbert, Jimmy Messer

Album: My December