Archive for June, 2008

LiveJournal and Babies

Monday, June 16th, 2008

I keep getting drawn back to LiveJournal, though other websites. It’s rather odd. I still have my LJ but I haven’t posted in it in almost 2 years. I’ve decided that I might start posting in it again. I will likely just post the same stuff that I post on here, but I might not. I don’t know yet. I’m hoping to find a way to connect them. I know there used to be a way that when you post on LJ it can post to your WordPress blog with older versions of WP but I like posting on my WP (right here) better than LJ, I’m not sure why, so I’m hoping there’s a way to go the opposite way. I’m sure there is probably a plugin or something. Hopefully I will find it. I’ll have to redo my LJ layout at some point, although I’m not totally hating it right now. Anyways, I just made a post in my LJ, and thought I would post it here:

Yeah, I know I had said in some posts (friends only posts) that I wouldn’t be posting on LJ much anymore. The last time I posted was Tuesday, November 21, 2006. It’s been almost 2 years.

I decided I would post something on here right now because I keep getting drawn back on here from links and stuff from other websites. So I’m thinking I may start using this a once in a while.

I may do some editing of old posts. I may not. I’m not really sure at this point.

Those of you who are able to read the friends only posts right now can see that I was in a really bad place when I used to post here. And I mean really bad!! Honestly, I don’t even know that person anymore. I mean I know that I was depressed and whatnot but I think at the time I didn’t see it the same way I see it now. It’s kind of strange.

Anyways, those of you who I’m still in touch with now (in the last few months) know that I’m no where near that person I was two years ago. That’s not to say that I don’t get depressed now. I do. Not nearly to the extent that I used to. I guess it’s still for similar reasons that it used to be. ut I can definitely say that the devil does not have the hold on me that he has had in the past.

There are very very few people who actually know even a tiny bit of what I was feeling (that was never posted anywhere on the internet). I kept a lot of my feelings to myself. Back then I didn’t have any friends or family or anyone that I really felt I could trust with the feelings and thoughts that I had. What people saw on the outside is not what was on the inside.

Although, I apparently have this thing that when I’m not really showing any emotions on the outside or if I’m just thinking about stuff (or nothing) or whatever, and not really paying attention to the expression on my face, people think something is wrong. I can honestly say that some of the times when I responded with “Nothing” when asked “What’s wrong” or “Yeah, I’m fine” to “Are you ok?” I was telling at least half the truth. But I would be lying if I said that I was telling the truth every time.

I do have to say that I’ve been asked those kind of questions a lot less in recent past. God is working on me. I’m not even the same person I was six months ago. Actually, now that I think about it. Everything seemed to change around the time I turned 20. I never really thought about that before but that is about the time that things really turned around for me. It’s kind of odd. Or not so odd I guess.

But going back a little bit in topic here, I would be lying if I told you that I’m never depressed anymore. I still struggle with things. The big thing I think is that I worry about what people are thinking about me. Not all the time. It’s very much a situational thing. It’s when I’m around certain people that I really get thinking about. Even today, it happened. I was just all of a sudden feeling like “They totally think I’m stupid and weird” and things to that effect. If I was to tell you who it was some of you would would understand why, and others would probably be surprised and try to tell me it’s not true.

I have been spending less and less time with those people but I can’t completely ditch them because they’re my friends. But at the same time there are things that make me think that they aren’t really. I also know that that is probably not even true. Its the same feelings I had all throughout high school, and even often in elementary school. High school was definitely worse for me though. I really hate that I still get those feelings. I’ve been out of high school for two years. I shouldn’t be feeling like I still am in high school. It brings back bad memories that I don’t want to remember.

This is also why I’m kind of scared to go to PRBI (Peace River Bible Institute), because it’s in the town where I went to high school and I don’t want to face those memories. I think that’s why it took me so long to finish my application. I did get it finished and sent out, but I haven’t heard back yet. Hopefully I will soon though because I’ve already been accepted to the two colleges (regular colleges) and I had to accept one because of the deadline so, just in case I don’t get into PRBI, I have a back up plan. My issue now though (and part of why I want to go to PRBI) is that I don’t really know if I even want to do that program and career path anymore. I’m starting to want to go back to one of my previous career path choices. I’m not sure why I want to but I do. I’m not closing the door on the other one but I’m starting to peak through the door of this one. I’ll elaborate more when I know more.

But anyways, now that I’ve rambled on for over half an hour, I think it should go to bed. It’s almost 12:30am and I need to get back into the job search in the morning. I’ve been looking for a summer job for almost two months. How depressing is that?! I mean really! Ugh. Anyways…Ttyl

If you want to check out my LJ, it’s at behindthemusic9.livejournal.com. Quoted LJ post. « Join LJ »

On a completely separate note, we have two baby snails in our aquarium. I will try to take pictures of them tomorrow. If I can find them, lol. They are so freaking tiny! And really really cute!! I’m sure there are probably more in there somewhere, but I don’t even know where the eggs are. I had convinced myself of the species of apple snail that they are but apparently I was wrong because I though she would lay her eggs above the waterline but I haven’t seen any. I’m not completely convinced that they still aren’t that type though. Maybe she just didn’t lay 200-300 eggs like she’s supposed to. Either way, there are for sure two babies. One was about 3-4mm when my mom called me up to see them around 9:00, and the other was about 1.5mm. Extremely tiny! Hopefully I will be able to find them tomorrow lol. Hopefully Phoebe, (our female Betta) doesn’t eat them lol.

I also think that our female snail has had other babies because there has been what looks like an empty snail shell (about the size of the bigger babies) sitting on top of the thinger (I don’t know what it is but the snails and the fish like to go inside and of top of it lol. I’ll get some pictures) in the tank for a few weeks now. When I first saw it, my mom said it was fish poo.. It’s definitely not! It hasn’t expanded like poo would lol. And it’s twirly like a snail shell, but very translucent, like babies shells. These two babies are definitely alive (or were at 9:00 lol). They were both an the glass and crawling around. And you could see their little teeny tiny tentacles! They are so friggen cute!!

Anywho…I’m getting super tired now. Time for bed! Good night! (or more like morning now lol)

Oh, and just a little addition to this before I head to bed, I want to say Congrats to my friend Nicole and her hubby Jeff. They just had a baby boy last weekend!

Edit: Ok so I got a WP Plugin that will crosspost all my WP posts to my LJ. I have it set so users have to comment on my WP Blog though because I don’t want to have the hassle of checking both WP and LJ comments because they wouldn’t be the same, which kind of sucks, I know, but it’s easier for me, and then I don’t get double the comments (not that I ever get comments anyway, but if I do…).

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Unemployment Sucks Butt

Wednesday, June 11th, 2008

I am so frustrated right now. I’ve been without a job since the end of April (well technically since September because I was going to school but we won’t count that because my dad wouldn’t let me get a job then) and I still haven’t found a job. I’ve applied everywhere I would even consider working and I haven’t had a single phone call or interview. Not even for a part-time job. It sucks!

To add to the suckage, my dad won’t get off my back about the whole thing. He’s constantly making comments about me not having a job. They’re not even joking comments. We’ll be talking about something and then he’ll say something about me not having a job, when he knows how much it irritates me. Apparently he doesn’t think I’ve been even looking for jobs. But I have been looking and I’ve been applying.

I started in Taber because, obviously because I live in Taber, but now that I’ve gone a month without a job I started applying in Lethbridge. There are more places I wouldn’t mind working at but I go into half of them and they say they’re not hiring. EMPLOYEE SHORTAGE MY BUTT!!!! Frig. Ugh!

Anyways, I just wanted to vent that. Hopefully I’ll get a phone call from someone in the next couple days.

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Apple Snails Mating

Monday, June 9th, 2008

Ok, so we’ve had these two apple snails for a while now. We never really knew if they were male or female or whether they were the same or not. Recently we noticed that one of them has gotten significantly larger than the other one. Then in the last couple days the larger one has been basically mounting the smaller one. We weren’t really sure if that’s what was going on because it kind of just looked like it was cleaning the other one’s shell. I don’t know. It was odd. So I actaully tried to find some info.

I figured out that the larger one is a male and the smaller one is a female and she’s ready to reproduce. This is what I found (link):

When snails with a tranlucent shell (albino Pomacea bridgesii in this case) are ready to reproduce, the ovaria of the female (left) can become suspicious through the shell.
When snails with a tranlucent shell (albino Pomacea bridgesii in this case) are ready to reproduce, the ovaria of the female (left) can become suspicious through the shell.

The small one that we have definitely has that darker colour in the middle and it was not there before. It looks a little bit different because I think our breed of snail might be different. I have yet to figure out which breed they are.


Normally the penis sheat is folded inside the mantle cavity, but sometimes it folded outwards and visible (Pomacea flagellata).

And this is, I’m pretty sure, what I saw coming out of the shell of the larger nail and going into the shell of the smaller snail, and at the time her head (or whatever part of her body has the face and the feeler things and it usually out of her shell) very far. It was strange because I could see right in side her shell. It was really quite odd.

We had been thinking that there had already been eggs laid in the tank because we thought we saw some stuff that was eggs. That’s what started my research (which wasn’t very good) abotu the snails but we couldn’t figure out for sure if they were eggs or not but since they never got any bigger, we assumed not. We also never saw them mating before either. So now I think we will get some baby snails! It’s kind of cool.

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New WP Theme

Friday, June 6th, 2008

I finally finished my WP Theme. I kept forgetting about it. But it’s up and running now.

There may still be some kinks though, so if you come across any problems please let me know.

I’ve tested it (so far) only on Mac OS X using: Flock version 1.1.4, Mozilla Firefox version 3.0, Safari version 3.1.1, and Opera version 9.24.

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The Job Search = Frustration

Friday, June 6th, 2008

Oh my goodness. Ok, so I’m sort of desperate for a job at the moment. I’ve been out of school since the end of April and I’ve been looking for jobs in Taber. I don’t really want to be in Taber but since I can’t afford to be driving to Lethbridge everyday or to live in Lethbridge, I’m kind of stuck.

Everyone is claiming to be hiring, but when I go into places to drop off resumes they say they’re not hiring, or they just never call me back. So, out of my desperation I re-applied at Wal-Mart. UGH!!! Yeah, I really didn’t want to, but I really need the money fast. Louise called me this morning and she said they could reinstate me. I just dropped off my application yesterday.

So apparently the rumours of Wal-Mart being desperate for employees is true. Lol. I believe it though. No body really wants to work there. And I can understand why. I mean I worked there for 10 and a half months and I really didn’t like it a whole lot. I mean most of the people were pretty good to work with. But there just seemed to be too much crap going on that you didn’t really see until you actually worked there, which is why all the young kids they hired would quit within a month or so.

Also, the pay isn’t that great. I mean I’ll get paid more now because minimum wage is higher, but I was getting more at Michael’s (part-time) in GP when I was 17 than I was at Wal-Mart (I turned 19 while I was working there before). But I really need the job and the income, even though it won’t be a lot since I only applied for part-time.

But it sounds like they might be in need of full-time stuff too. I only need work for the summer though. But everything full-time at Wal-Mart (other than department managers positions) are pretty much all evening shifts and I don’t think I can handle that again. It was stressful and I never did anything else because I would end up staying up late and sleeping in the next day and then get up and go to work again. And they were always cutting my hours so it was really hard. I would prefer consistent shifts but I know I won’t get that at Wal-Mart.

Anyways, I guess we’ll see what happens. Louise said she would call me back and let me know. Even though I don’t really want to be working there I do need something. I’m although planning to give them a full-two weeks notice this time before I leave, even though technically I won’t have to because I’ll be there for less than three months but I will anyway and hope it will help to make up for not giving notice last time. I was apparently supposed to have a “do not rehire” on my file because of that but if they’re desperate enough they’ll hire me again. I also know that I’m leaving at the end of August/beginning of September anyway for school so I know approximately when I’ll have to leave. I just won’t have the dates for a while.

Anyways, I guess that’s all for now.

Edit: So Louise just called me back. She didn’t realize at the time that I hadn’t given notice when I left before and that I have a “do not rehire” on my file. She said she had talked to Sharalee about it, pleading my case. But she said they won’t bring back anyone who did that. Louise said I could talk to Dallas or Sharalee and see if maybe they’ll let me come back.

Right now I’m kind of thinking that I will do it but I’m not entirely sure if I really want to. I mean I really do need a job. But I don’t really want to work at Wal-Mart but no one else is hiring me. I don’t really know what to do. I’m so desperate right now but I don’t know if I can do it. I can pretty much guarantee that I will start crying if I’m talking to Dallas or Sharalee about it. I was starting to cry just talking to Louise when she called me back. And she wants me to come back. She said that she doesn’t like that they won’t give people a second chance.

I remember, not long before I left, this guy who worked in the back, I think his name was Darrel, gave his notice (he was so stressed working there, which was part of why he left) and he left during his lunch break of his last shift and didn’t come back and they said he got a “do not rehire” on his file. On his last freakin’ shift. He had a whole 4 hours left and they still did it. It’s so stupid.

So, I don’t really know what I’m going to do.

Edit 2: I don’t think I can do it. The stress I’m getting from just thinking about it is reminding me of how stressed I was when I was actually working there. I don’t think I could handle working there again, even just for the summer. I wish Taber was bigger or closer to Lethbridge. I think I’ll start applying in Lethbridge and see if anything comes from it. I know gas is going to be bad what else can I do?

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