I don’t think I should be left on my own for long periods of time. I tend to start thinking way too much. I have a tendency to start thinking about one thing and somehow I will end up stressed, frustrated, confused, and/or crying. Sometimes if I’m not thinking about any actual issues I’m dealing with or if I’m trying to avoid them, I will end up off in some day dream about something totally stupid. This will happen when there is nobody in the house with me, or sometimes when I’m driving. It’s so stupid.
I also have a tendency to not bring stuff up with people and if I have some sort of issue with something or something is bothering me and I know I need to talk to someone specific about it, I won’t. I’ll just let it eat at me from the inside until the last possible minute and somehow the issue will come up without my coming out and saying it but because it’s so late we end up yelling and arguing and I end up crying because I’m way to fricken emotional from keeping it to myself. I mean I am a very emotional person but I seem to be really good at keeping that part of me away from people. Although my parents do see a lot more of that side of me than anyone else, they definitely don’t see all of it.
It’s starting again now. The other day someone asked me why I’ve chosen to do something and I thought I knew why but now I’m starting to question it. I had questioned it before, but not nearly as much as I am now. I think it’s because this thing is getting closer and closer and I’m drawing nearer and nearer to that “last minute” and I’m probably going to explode again like I always do. I need to do something about it but I’m so confused and stressed and I don’t know how to bring up the topic.
That’s my other problem, is that when I know I need to talk to someone about it I don’t know how to start the conversation. I think that’s why I tend to keep so much inside, because I don’t know how to talk about it.
This probably doesn’t even make any sense to anyone right now, but in a couple weeks I’m sure I’ll tell you a little bit more about it.